As of today, I’ve been living in Germany for 1 month.
A street where I live/half our neighborhood. (There are only 3 streets in our “town.”) All the houses for American families look exactly like this.
Not going to lie, I honestly thought that after being here 4 weeks I’d magically feel like this is home, but I don’t. Things I’m having to contend with:
Living in a new country. The roads are different, the food is different, the language is different, and the culture is different. I’ve come to realize that culture is the trickiest of them all. Even if I am eating good food or talking to people who speak English, I still feel a little on the outside. I just don’t know how things work. (How much do people tip here? Do we have to wait to be seated? Did I just cut in front of someone in line? Did I just say something considered rude without realizing it?) The cultural norms here are, well, foreign to me. Thankfully, we live in a military community with other Americans, but day-to-day living is harder in a different country.
Being so far away from home.
The day we signed the lease on our Texas apartment way back in 2007.
Knowing that everyone is more than a day’s drive away, that I can’t hop on a plane and be there in a few hours, totally blows. I honestly don’t think that I would want to go home, but I just like knowing that I could get there easily. I’m also annoyed by the time difference. (Story of my life for the last year, right?) Most of the day here is the middle of the night back home. That means no one is on Facebook, no blogs are being updated, no one is returning my e-mails. Sure, all that stuff happens while I’m asleep so I get to wake up to it, but I miss the real-time interaction with my people.
Learning the ins and outs of military life. Army life (strange as it may sound) is new to me. I’m supposed to register with Tricare? I really have to show my ID every time I come on post even if it’s multiple times a day? I have to get out of my car if we are in it when they lower the flags at the end of the day? That guy was a super major Sargent lieutenant of the first order? Is that good? The worst of it is, I don’t know what it is that I don’t know. I don’t know what I need to learn or how to go about learning it. Again, I feel on the outside.
Being jobless. I knew that it would take a while to find work here. (There aren’t many jobs available and the Army has a deal with Germany that 60% of the jobs on post go to Germans.) I never really thought about what my life would be sans-job. It doesn’t feel like summer break. Summer break is a time that I relax and work at my leisure. It’s a time that I’m supposed to have off. It’s temporary. Being jobless feels indefinite. And it sucks. It’s not even about the money. I don’t have to work if I don’t want to, but I want to. It feels unnatural to spend all day at home.
Is it all bad? No! Of course not! I have a list a mile long of all the good things. Being with Stephen, having Geronimo here and happy, the wonderful home we live in, our yard, the fact that I got my driver’s license, the places we’ve traveled, the new adventures, our health, all good things. And I could go on. I’m just struggling with the few negatives.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I get to see these guys everyday.*
I’m really hoping that I fall out of this funk soon. I know that I’m so lucky to have my little family of three all together. (It’s all I wanted for so long.) This transitional period is just taking me for a ride.
How do you fight homesickness? How do you handle moving? (I moved a ton as a kid, so I thought I was a pro. Wrong!)*
Thank you for reminding me how my students and their families feel. You need to Google “stages of culture shock” bc you are definitely going through it; and don’t feel bad. I went through it when I moved a mere hour and a half away from home for grad school. It wasn’t that far, and it wasn’t even out of state, but those little parts of daily living can wreak havoc on our mental and emotional states when they are even slightly off. And the worst part is when it first hits – you feel blinded bc you never imagined the differences would affect you, much less get to you. Big hugs for you!
*blindsided, not blinded
Thanks, Ruth-Ellen! You know just what to say! Let me tell you, I sure do feel like I’m ELL or I guess GLL in this case. When we were in Bamberg, I wanted to buy a pastry, but I wasn’t confident in my ability to order. I made Stephen do it for me. It totally reminded me of our ESL training last year. I know how to say the words, but I don’t have the confidence to do it. Plus, when they ask me a question, then I’m totally lost! It is very jarring to be in a new country with a totally different culture. Overwhelming to say the least.*
Moving is hard. Moving to a different country is fifty million times harder. I know you know you’ll adjust. but it does take time. Soon enough you’ll get the whole rank thing and the ins and outs of military stuff, but honestly, after sixteen years, I still don’t get it all. What’s S1? Is a Brigade bigger than a Battalion? Why is it is so hard to call and ask your child’s doctor a medical question over the phone? And I’ll never understand that whole get out of your car at 5pm thing. So dumb. But I don’t think family members have to do it; just soldiers. Still, so dumb.
I hope you settle into your own routine and start to feel comfortable in your new home. Who knows? Perhaps a job will fall in your lap. Have you checked out Army Community Services? They have lots of resources to place family members in jobs. Not that I know anything about being a working girl…..this lady of leisure business isn’t half bad. Ha!
Hang in there!
s1! Yes! I hear that all the time, “go talk to your S1.” Huh? One of the first days here, I was eating sour cream and cheddar potato chips straight out of the bag on our drive home from the commisary when they started to lower the flag. Stephen jumped out of the car, but I was just sitting there like, “what do I do?! I have chip dust on my fingers!”
I have joined the ACS facebook page, which has lots of good info. I’m planning on taking some classes (language learning, budgeting, resume help, etc.). My hope is that if I don’t learn something, at least I’ll meet some people.
Part of my job hunt problem is that it’s hard to hate staying at home. Wake up when I want, stay in my PJs, run when I feel like it. The flipside is that I don’t know anyone and I’m bored. I think getting a job would be good for me, but I’ve yet to be motivated to put in tons of effort. That plus the jobs that are available are so unappealing and hard to get.At least you have a kid, so you have an excuse!*
If you don’t need to work, maybe you could volunteer? When you were younger and we moved around a lot I always volunteered at the ‘new’ place bc it was a way to stay busy & meet people. I bet there are a ton of opportunites on post – maybe at the elementary school working with at risk kids on reading (one of my fav volunteer jobs ever); is there an adult ESL class for military spouses? Also it seems like there should be some type of group for enlisted wives – I know Aunt Kathy always did stuff with the Officer’s Wives Club. Most libraries can use additional volunteers as well, even if it is just shelving books. I found it usually took me 3 or 4 months to acclimate, and you are dealing with a whole new country so it may take longer.
Amy dear, you’re doing awesome so far! Give a girl some credit! Things WILL get better.
My family hosted 10+ exchange students when I was growing up. We were told to remind them to think of new things as “it’s not better, it’s not worse, it’s just different.” Maybe you could come up with a little mantra like that (like you have when running gets tough!) to help you when you’re struggling a bit.
Keep your chin up
I like the idea that it’s not better or worse, just different. That’s so true! Some of the differences are good (my shower here is amazing!), but it takes time getting used to all the differences. I guess I just need more time.*
Don’t we all!
I definitely get what you’re saying! It’s been really tough for me to feel like New Haven is home again and that’s a weird and difficult feeling to deal with–feeling out of sync with the place in which you live your day-to-day life! I like your friend’s idea to try volunteering–it’ll give you something to do, you’ll help people, and you’ll meet people. And you can try picking up new hobbies too! I hear crocheting is quite fun…
Crocheting might be something I could dig my heels into! (Sophomore year of college I started making bracelets, which I kind of loved. I was a bracelet making fiend and made them for anyone and everyone.) *
I am never quite sure about the tipping either. I’ve heard about ten percent as a guideline, but it’s definitely different than in the states (as far as I’ve heard). Being a waiter/ waitress is not the best paid job I guess, but they don’t depend on the tips for a living as I’ve heard it’s the case in the States. If the waiter is inattentive or rude or whatever, you don’t tip. About the seating – that depends where you’re going. in the really fancy ones you wait. Cafes or something like that, you just sit where you want. If there are tables reserved, there is usually a sign on it. If in doubt, just ask. They are mostly happy to assist. If you wanna know anything else or you’d like to know anything ’bout the language, just let me know. I too are happy to assist
Good to know abou the tipping! 15% is standard in the states, but I usually tip 20% unless the service is bad. I really worried I was being terribly rude with my tipping here. (Especially since most of the time they give you your change right then and there! In the states, they walk away and take the money after you leave.)
All these little nuances are tricky! Some things I’ve picked up by just watching others, but other things (like tipping) you can’t really figure out from a distance. Thank you for being my go-to German resource, Cookie!*
Aww, wish we had some awesome advice, but we don’t! Hopefully soon you’ll feel more comfortable! Can only imagine how hard that is…but you’ll get it figured out! We know it!
Your mom is eight aout the volunteer thing–it def helps to keep you busy and meet new people. I know it has been awhile since I was an Army wife but some of my volunteer time was spent as a Red Cross volunteer at the hospital, the thrift shop, the kids’ schools, the post museum. I am sure the schools or the ed center would live to have someone with youe experience as a volunteer. That might even lead to a a paid position.
As far as learning the Army way–I am sure there are books at the PX about ranks & customs. I had one for Officer’s wivws. I bet their is one for enlisted wives or something generic. As far as getting out of the car when they lower the flag–everyone is expected to pull over & get out as a sign of respect. Once you do it a few times it doesn’t feel so strange.
For tipping info in the local places, I would check on a travel website for help.
Iknow everything feels strange and I am sure it is compunded by being in another country. Th Army is really a wonderful family and after awhile things will become second nature. Even though you have been an Army wife for almost 2 years you really have only been a part of the Army community for a month. Plus, you survived the move all on your on and that is one of the toughest things about being in the military. Hang in there and we can talk about it when we are in Dallas for the wedding!!
I can only imagine how it must feel to try to adjust to life in a completely foreign country. When I am traveling, I start getting homesick after about 2 weeks. I haven’t really been able to figure out how to make it better, unfortunately.
But I love your mom’s suggestion of volunteering. It would make you feel more productive, get you into a routine, and help you meet people. I still vote that you start running in local races, too!
The best thing I can suggest is to focus on how great it is to live with Stephen and G-Mo altogether again. Focus about how you are now able to talk to Stephen in person on a daily basis, have meals together every day, etc. Maybe also start planning more daytrips and other explorations or fun activities nearby so you have things to look forward to.
I think your trip home coming up soon will help a lot, as well. It’ll bring back a lot of much-needed familiarity, but also give you strength to keep moving forward.
“The strength to keep moving forward” is exactly what I need right now. Thanks for the wise words, Emily!*
you’ve been in Germany a month?? wow. that month flew by for me I guess (which is good! haha). I feel like it’s a really good thing that I’m reading your blog because you’re always a couple months ahead of me. When I move back, I think I’m gonna go through a lot of the same things (just probably to a much more minor degree since it’s just the other side of the country, not the other side of the world). And it’s a super-brave thing to move to another country! Hang in there! Maybe you just need a bit more time to feel at home.
I’m glad the month went by fast for you! (1 month closer to having your hubby back!)
I guess moving anywhere is hard, but I’ve been fortunate enough to have spent the last 5 years in the same place. (And it was my hometown, so when I moved there, adjusting was easy!)*
Definately think the volunteering thing is the way to go, even if it’s just for a while. it would give you a reason to get up and get dressed and go out into the world. Although I can’t imagine why on earth you would want to give up on the sleeping in and hangin with gmo, i’m sure he is loving it, he’s got you to hang out with during the day and then both you and stephen to hang out with at night!!!! maybe it won’t feel so strange once your household stuff arrives and then home will actually feel like home?? i’m impressed that you cooked chicken!!!! how do you cook something that you don’t eat? how do you know if it tastes good? i’m not sure i could cook something that i wan’t going to taste. hang in there….i know it’s gonna get better!!!
Your comment about having a reason to get dressed and go out hit the nail on the head. (You know me too well!) I definitely spend many days not dressed just because I can, and I don’t think that’s doing me any favors. I miss having a purpose, and having one should (hopefully) make a good difference.
As for the chicken, it was easy. I cooked it until it looked done, then I cut it open to make sure it was cooked on the inside.Plus, Stephen supervised. As for the taste, I can only take his word for it that it was good.*
I’m going to beat the same dead point. Volunteer!!! Since I have taken on the role of domestic goddess, I have found that my calendar is just as busy, but with definite stuff. This can also give you more exposure to German culture and the language. You’d be surprised of how others may be to the fact you are trying to delve into things German. I’m working on my Spanish, and it’s a slow but constant progression. We miss you, but this is only a small chapter in The Life of Amy. You can decide where the “story” unfolds.
Thank you for all the encouragement, Robin!*
I struggled (and still struggle, in some ways) with many of these same things when we first moved here! We’re stationed in Hawaii and from the east coast. It took me 5 (!!!) months to find a job and despite was people think, enjoying Hawaiian beaches every day actually does get old eventually! I told myself is wait 2 months before I started the job search and by week 4 I was going insane with boredom and pouncing on my husband the second he walked in the door every evening. A trying time for both of us haha. Hawaii also has its own culture, which isn’t always the most welcoming of military families or “haoles.” I’ve lived in foreign countries before, and in a lot of ways this feels similar. What I’ve found works for me:
-I did eventually find a job in my field, but I was 100% open to taking ANY job. I have a Masters but I was at the point of applying to Starbucks and retail. It’s about having something to do with yourself.
-I volunteered at the animal shelter. Not only was this rewarding and a good use of my free time, but I also started to get know and understand the locals and their culture!
-I said “yes” to almost everything people invited me to. Even when another wife needed a ride to pick up her car from the mechanic. It gave me a chance to get to know her better and become friends. I also went to the FRG stuff. Which I never do anymore, but I met my close friends in the troop, who were the ones that didn’t want to get involved in FRG, like myself haha!
-Exercising like a fiend. I miss being in that great of shape, sigh. But I also made friends going to classes at the base gym!
-As bad as it sounds, I did distance myself from friends at home at first. It was just too hard to talk to them and miss them. This wore off after about 2-3 months and now we talk every weekend (my time difference is crap too!) and email during the weeks.
-Work and volunteering have given me a much better understanding of the culture. There’s still prejudices to contend with, but for the most part, I’ve made many native Hawaiian friends and feel I’ve started to “fit in” more.
-Take classes! Before I found my job, I applied to an MBA program. I declined it once I got the job and realized how busy I was. But it would’ve been a great way to improve myself and stay busy (and you can use your husbands GI bill)
-Travel and explore!!! Seems you’re doing this right:)
I know this is a novel, but I’ve been there and know how hard it is! It’s important to stay strong and not become that girl who does skype happy hour with friends at home at 11am every day, which ends in being wasted and sobbing by 1pm. Yeah, I know that girl! She’s still doing it after 1.5 years here and counting down till she can leave.
I have to add, in case you’re ever stationed here. You were wrong in the moving G post about quarantining- that’s the old days in Hawaii:) We moved 2 giant dogs (dobie and German shepherd) and they were released upon arrival! You just have to get your paperwork in a month early.
Alexis, Thank you so much for the long and thoughtful comment! I wouldn’t have thought of Hawaii as being a difficult transition, but the way you describe it, it sounds pretty much exactly like my experience! Excellent tips! I esp like the idea of saying “yes” to everything. It’s a little outside my comfort zone, but I think that’s the only way I can really dig in here. I am seriously absorbing every little thing you mentioned. Thank you so much!
And good to know about the dogs in Hawaii! I can’t imagine how much harder it’d be to transition without my poochie!*
Even moving from Bradenton to Orlando (just 2.5 hours North), it took me more than a month to feel like it was home. So it’s gonna take longer in a foreign country. Don’t worry! It will come! All the weird stuff there will be your new normal soon. Then you’ll visit the states and wonder WTF is going on here.
Haha! I am already preparing myself to go back to the States and find fault with everything that isn’t as good as in Germany. (You mean you can’t drive as fast as you want on the roads in the USA? Lame!)*
It’s hard to explain all that army stuff until you live through it. I had a hard time adjusting to going through the gates and showing your id at the commissary. It was so weird — now it’s like second nature. You are dealing with moving, a whole new culture and the army life which is a lot to take in. Even after almost two months here in Texas I’m still having trouble adjusting. I thought it would be no big deal, but moving is just plain hard. It just takes time and a wilingness to get out there and make the best of it –which I know you are.