It’s been hard two weeks. Ben (my brother-in-law) died on February 2nd. His funeral was on the 4th. Over 100 people where present. I’m not sure how many people where there total, but I’d venture a guess that it was in the neighborhood of 150.
I was honored to have the opportunity to speak at the funeral. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I was determined to do a good job in order to honor Ben. I hope that’s what I was able to do. Although I felt intensely sad, I was comforted to look in the faces of so many people who loved Ben. I hope he knew how much he was loved while he was alive.
At the end of the funeral, we were all invited to shovel dirt on Ben’s grave. It is a Jewish tradition and seen as a gift to the deceased, a way of helping them to their final resting place. Hearing the dirt hit his plain pine casket, the finality of it all hit me. Even though I’d been with Ben when he passed, it almost didn’t seem real. Leaving the hospital that night felt strikingly familiar to the many other times I’ve left the hospital after visiting him. But dropping dirt into his grave was different, definitive.
Ben (on the left) and Stephen in April 2011. This was in the small window of time after Stephen graduated from Basic and before he deployed. This also happened to be less than a month before Ben got his lung transplant.
Stephen and I spent two weeks in Texas with family. We helped his mom and brother, Josh, go through Ben’s things. We sold what we could on Craig’s List and in a garage sale. The money is being donated to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. (Friends have also been donating, which is great.) The rest of our days were spent visiting friends and family, trying to stay busy.
The three amigos as babies: Stephen, Ben, Josh.
But now we are home again, back in Germany. I know it’s going to take a lot more than 2 weeks for me to feel better, and we’ll probably never stop missing Ben, but I am ready to get back to normal. (Well, as normal as can be expected.) It’s time to get back to our routine and start preparing for our PCS. (Although we are hoping our timeline might be adjusted somewhat so Stephen can re-take WLC.) I’m planning to start blogging regularly again, commenting on your blogs, getting back into the swing of things.
I can’t thank you all enough for your kind, comforting words. It’s hard to know what to say in a situation like this, so don’t feel like you need to say anything if you can’t; just know that I’m grateful you are here with me on this journey.
I’ll be back tomorrow to talk about an incredibly normal topic – running.
I had tears in my eyes reading this. That is great that the family donated the money… I can’t think of a better way to honor him than to do that.
Thanks, Michelle. CFF is very close to our hearts and Ben himself raised money for them while he was alive. I think it’s a charity we’ll contribute to for a long time. It only seems right.
Tons of hugs! It will get easier with time and when you get back to routine but you will never forget….and you shouldn’t. I’m glad to see you back and hopefully your hubby’s wlc will go okay.
Thank you. We are keeping our fingers crossed that he can re-take WLC before we PCS, but our timeline is super tight. Since it’s not something I have control over, I’m trying not to sweat it, but I know he really wants to take it here in Germany.
What an honor to speak at the funeral; I know you did an amazing job *hugs*
Aww, thanks!
You and your family have been in my thoughts very regularly, I wish I could give you a giant hung. I am certain you did a wonderful job speaking for Ben. **HUGS**
I will take this as a virtual hug. Thanks. And thank you for thinking of us. It really does help to know how supported we are.
It’s good to hear from you! I’m glad you got the chance to be with Stephen’s family for a few weeks and I hope you are adjusting well to being back in Germany.
My sleep schedule is still kind of whack from the flight, but otherwise, we are back to the old routine in Germany. It even snowed today. Oh, how that Texas weather had me spoiled. I was starting to forget that it’s still technically winter.
I’m glad you’re back…I’ve been thinking about you! I hope the transition back to “normal” is as stress free as possible. I renewed my DL today, and I definitely clicked that organ donation box!
Yay! We can always use more organ donors, so I’m happy to hear that you are one!
It’s really too bad we’re not together right now because you could see my awkward white girl “Amy’s Back!!!” celebration dance. WOOHOO!
PS – Thanks for catching us up and sharing the photo of the three brothers. So adorable. So fashionable!
Big hugs!!! I am so sorry for your loss but I know you did a great job honoring Ben at his funeral. It brings tears to my eyes to see the pictures of him. Thinking of you and praying for you as always!!!
I’ve only been to one funeral my entire life, and it was for a distant relative. Although we’re not Jewish, they also did the everyone puts dirt on top of the casket thing. And I lost it–I couldn’t stop crying. Because even though I barely knew this woman, the loss of life is still such a huge hurt. I can only imagine how it must be to lose someone you really truly love. Big hugs to you and your family.